A Paradox

“You have a good heart and you think the good thing is to be guilty

...but it's not always."

― Tony Kushner

There is a paradox surrounding the concept of guilt. Why does a person feel guilty? Often times I feel that people just assume, you feel guilt when you are bad - in other words, "you feel bad because you are bad". Bad, bad, bad...but - that's not what it's about, I think. I think guilt is all about being good. If you were not good you would never feel bad. In fact, if you were truly bad you may even feel good about your mis-doings. I'm not saying that guilt is a gift and we should go around wearing it on our sleeves and professing it to everyone we see, no, but guilt is delicate. It's the painful proof of a deeply moral character. When we aren't living the way we know we should, we feel sick and sad, and know that we have to change, and we fight it sometimes and we feel attacked and judged, but the healthiest thing is sometimes to accept who you are and go your own way. A favorite song of mine speaks about this to me, "Wetsuit" by the Vaccines:

If at some point we all succumb

For goodness sake, let us be young.

'Cause time gets harder to outrun,

And I'm nobody, I'm not done.

{The line "I'm not done is so beautiful to me, because until we die - WE AREN'T DONE, we can be anything, every second.}

With a cool, cool breeze and dirty knees,

I rest on childhood memories.

We all got old at breakneck speed,

Slow it down, go easy on me.

Go easy on me.

Put a wetsuit on. Come on, come on.

Grow your hair out long. Come on, come on.

Put a t-shirt on. Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong.

If it's up and after you,

What do you suppose that you would do?

You're all whacked out from lack of sleep,

You blame it on the friends you keep.

Well, you wanna do things differently,

{This part is also significant, you want to change but it's so frightening, especially when your friends are remaining stagnant}

Go do them independently.

We all got old at breakneck speed,

Slow it down, go easy on me.

Go easy on me.

Put a wetsuit on. Come on, come on.

Grow your hair out long. Come on, come on.

Put a t-shirt on. Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong.

Put a wetsuit on. Come on, come on.

Grow your hair out long. Come on, come on.

Put a t-shirt on. Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong.

Does holy water make you pure?

{Sometimes we feel suffocated by social confines and the misinterpretations of religion/the Atonement, but guilt is so personal, only you and the Lord can full understand your guilt}

Submerged, your vision's just obscured.

{Confusion, fear, lack of motivation}

You're a lot like me, in up to our knees.

In over your chest is way too deep.

So, put a wetsuit on. Come on, come on.

Grow your hair out long. Come on, come on.

Put a t-shirt on. Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong.

Put a wetsuit on. Come on, come on.

Grow your hair out long. Come on, come on.

Put a t-shirt on. Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong.

No one deserves to drown/be crushed by guilt, there is forgiveness for any and all who seek it.

“Guilt isn't always a rational thing. 

Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.” 

― Maureen Johnson